Crazy Little Thing Called Ugh

I know I don't have it as bad as other women. My husband is not in the armed forces; he's not off fighting some bullshit war. He's not in prison, nor is he in government. But he is away, for six months, working on a Tom Cruise movie. Scientology jokes aside, my husband is gone...living in Pittsburgh until February 2012. We've been married for 9 months and the challenges posed to wedded bliss have come fast and furious.

It all started one February weekend. At 6 pm on a Thursday, I got the call. My mother had a heart attack. Two days later, I thought my husband was calling just to check in but instead he told me his equally devastating news: that his father had a stroke. The honeymoon was definitively over.

As my mother (thankfully) recovered, his father faltered. I flew to Ohio with a funeral dress and went to pick out my father-in-law's cemetery plot. Miraculously (an astounding story for another time), he pulled - no fought - through and is very much alive today.

My husband came home several weeks later and just last month was deployed to his Pittsburgh home.

I know I am lucky. I have a husband who loves me and who is busting his ass to save for our home and our upcoming family. But I can't help thinking like a brat...I can't help wanting him home, wanting him here with me and our doggie so we can live our life together, present everyday.

I worry. I worry the temptations of life away from home will cause a temporary lapse in his judgment. I worry about being one half of a couple living very separate lives, day in and day out. I worry our vices will eventually lead to consequences much like our parents just suffered. We're both not exactly young and indulge a bit too much in food and drink. (I also still struggle with smoking - a true death sentence for many in my, now deceased, genetic pool.)

The bottom line is this: I need strength. I need the power to thrive independently and simultaneously be my husband's best (and sexiest) cheerleader. I need to relish this time alone and do something with it. I need to write...