I FUCKED UP

I have known for quite some time that I am a bit overweight. I say "a bit" because I don't quite appear FAT or OBESE in anyway. However, I know that my lifestyle over the last several years has left me heavier than I have ever known.

I knew something was wrong about a month ago. I started feeling tired for no reason, started feeling "large" if there is such a thing.

So I scheduled a physical exam. I knew my fears were correct when even the under-educated (albeit sweet) nurse expressed concern.
"Are you here for your blood pressure?" she asked.
"Yes, why?" I replied, alarmed.
"The doctor will talk to you."

Well FUCK, I thought. I knew that technically the nurse wasn't supposed to give me that reaction no matter if it said I was about to die a horrible death. But I knew she did because she was so concerned...I'm sure most 29 year old patients don't have the blood pressure reading I had just given her.

I spoke to my Doctor about the pressure. About the stress at work and about my terrible diet - full of carbs, salt, and cholesterol. He told me to watch my salt.

Then came Sunday.

On Sunday, while visiting my 93 year old grandmother and almost-96 year old grandfather, my doctor called me. My triglycerides were off the charts. As high a range as they can be. For someone my age, they were in the stratosphere. I freaked the fuck out. But I had to calm down for the sake of my grandparents. My Grandmother especially, cannot take news like this. So I sucked it up and pretended as though nothing was wrong. But something was/IS.

I admit that I have known my diet and alcohol (and, yes, for awhile, drug) intake was bad. But I never thought it would mean this. I thought I was being reckless; thought I was having "fun." But in reality, I was slowly killing myself. I was always afraid of ODing, but what I should have feared was having a stroke or a heart attack.

I am 29. Repeat I am 29. From here on out, I have to follow a strict low sodium, low fat, and low carb diet. While that sounds like everyday behavior to some girls, it's not for me. For me it is a complete turnaround in lifestyle, a complete surrender of everything I have lived for years.

The funny thing is, I am perfectly willing to turn my health around. In fact, I have already lost about 4 lbs. since going to the Doctor on Friday. Tomorrow, I plan on wearing a dress to Fashion Week that I didn't think I could wear anytime soon. The plus side to all of this is that I will probably fit into that Size 6 wedding dress next Spring.

But the hard/scary part is that I couldn't just do this my fucking self. I couldn't just work to lose the weight a year or so ago. I had to wait until my Doctor was telling me that I could stroke out soon or have cancer 10 years from now to do something.

So, here's the thing. If you are overweight (and I am by only about 30 lbs overweight - I am not morbidly obese), go see your Doctor. Get a blood test and test your blood pressure and make sure you are healthy. One can be overweight and healthy, but one can be overweight and very unhealthy. You don't have to be OBESE to be unhealthy.

I am working to change my lifestyle and feel good about it. In fact, I already don't crave pizza and chinese the way I once did. I now see those types of foods as dangerous and deadly. Never thought I would.

Anyway, it took a while to get there. It took many years of thinking I was "young" and not giving a shit to come to this point. But here's the truth:
What you eat at 22 does effect the person you will become at 28. What you drink at 23 does effect the person you will become at 29.
What you do at 29 does effect the person you will become at 30. I'll be 30 next June. And I'll be a hell of a lot thinner and healthier.