The Real Revenge of the NERDS

Fine. I have forced myself to stay at work late – which I HATE doing – to update this with something. My internet is down at home and I really, really can’t blog here. It’s not very private and I don’t want the 20 or so gawker readers who work here to catch on to me. Here’s the shit I’ve been going through…

My laptop broke almost a month ago. I brought it to Circuit City in Union Square and – although I was promised it would be repaired in 2-3 days – it has been ALMOST TWO WEEKS.

Now, I know what’s happening over there. They are looking at dirty pictures of me. Me alone. Me with women. Me with men. I know that’s what taking them the fuck too long. Trust me, if you saw these Firedog dudes (they are even more pathetic than Geek Squad guys) you would agree that they cannot possibly fix a thing when encountered with the site of a nipple.

So now I have to come to a decision. There are a few options here:

I can call the Manager and rip them yet ANOTHER new asshole.
I can sleep with one of you for a new computer.
I can go back to the horny Firedoggers and actually SHOW them my tits, up close and personal.

Your votes please.

Thank you,

ella

Get Thy Panties Out Of a Bunch

take a deep breath. ella has not abandoned you. in fact, she misses you a great deal.

she has not been hogtied and chained to a radiator by her boyfriend (YET...trying to convince him to do that soon; i'm thinking for my birthday - this SUNDAY, i expect presents, people).

she hasn't been spending every waking second with the boyfriend (in fact, she hastn't seen him since for almost a week albeit for a brief brunch on sunday). he's very busy with work.

no, the reason is my internets. they - every last one of them - is dead right now. ella has no modem at home and can't really blog at work. she's impotent and that sucks when you are so important.

on the plus side, life without the internets means:
- ella has a fucking SPOTLESS apartment; redecorated too
- ella has been masturbating a ton more (well, the man has been MIA for a few days, so...)
- ella has returned PHONE CALLS and placed them too!
- ella is sleeping more and drinking/smoking/snorting less
- ella has read a book

on the negative side, ella misses you.

she'll be back soon.
promise.

kisses,
~e

Ella's Fella

Ok, ok, fine. I’m sorry. I’ve been sorely neglecting my blogging duties. It’s mostly because of work-related bullshit (may/june are notoriously busy months in the beauty biz), but there’s another reason too. Yes, the rumors you’ve heard are true – little ella is in love.

Love? ella? Really? Yes, really. As much as I hate to admit it, there’s actually a heart under all the flesh that takes centerstage in many of these posts. So I am finally coming clean (and coming regularly, thank you very much!) and letting all 15 of you in on my secret.

At first I didn’t want to say anything as I realize that the skankier and crazier my stories are, the better received they are by you, my readers. So I figured I should just continue writing as normal. A “taken” ella is not as interesting as a single one, right?

Secondly, I admit that as of late I have been kinda “eh” when it comes to writing about past sexual encounters. It’s simply because I am in awe of another person right now and certainly not spending my time daydreaming about the past (both the people in it and the sex of it). However, ella’s fella understands how much she need to get things off her chest and onto her blog. Most importantly he recognizes – as I hope all of you do – that ella’s dirty rehashings of fucks past have little, if anything, to do with actual sex. I’m glad he gets it; after all, we actually MET through my blog. Yup, it’s true. He read my posts, emailed me and BANG. See what self-centered writing can get you???

People who know me blame him for my lack of postings. However he’s the one who actually pushed me to write the rum rim story last week.

The pleasure I got from continually telling those sex-fueled stories was rooted in the excitement of sharing intimate details of my life with other people (even those I don’t know). But now that I actually have someone to be intimate with, it’s not as important to me. (Don’t get me wrong, it still is, but just less so.) I’m just trying to figure out the balance right now, and the fact that I get significantly less comments when I write about, say, celebrities, is something I wish I could change.

I guess, most importantly, I didn’t want to mention anything because I’m completely insecure when it comes to men and relationships. Ladies, you know what I mean – I didn’t want to “jinx” it. However after meeting his PARENTS this weekend, I’m kinda getting over that “does he really like me?!” bullshit. Um, yeah, I think he does.

I must say that he personifies many of the things I’ve always wanted (humor, passion, drive, sense of adventure, deep respect), but – and what I think is most interesting – is that he’s also a lot of things I never thought I would want (a regular churchgoer, a republican). Yet, these opposite attributes actually make us work.

ella admits that she forgot what it was like to actually BE in love. The last time she had a boyfriend was – I believe – 2004. and that relationship (as those who read this blog already know) was terribly hurtful and destructive.

Before ella met her fella, she had forgotten how it feels to be so open and close with someone, to be naked even with your clothes on. She had forgotten how it feels to have someone want you to be there, to look at you and wonder where you’ve been for so long.

Even though ella has been hurt many times over the last few years, she’s also rejected quite a good number of bachelors too. And while she often seemed impatient to find “the one”, she really wasn’t ready to meet him until now. (I’ll save the “whys” for another post.)

So what’s so special about ella’s fella? Here’s a short list:

- He likes my writing.
- He thinks I’m funny.
- He’s funny.
- He knows how to pick a fucking incredible bottle of wine.
- He loves his work.
- He’s good at his work.
- He makes me feel safe.
- He TOTALLY gets my Gawker dependency.
- He calls me on my bullshit.
- He never lets me pick silly fights.
- He calls when he says he’s going to.
- He’s always on time.
- He has an amazing vocabulary.
- He’s an amazing lover (this goes without saying, I mean this is ella writing.)
- He’s a grownup.
- He makes me feel beautiful.
- He takes me to Yankee games even though he’s an Indians fan.
- He loves me.
- He tells me so.