take a deep breath. ella has not abandoned you. in fact, she misses you a great deal.she has not been hogtied and chained to a radiator by her boyfriend (YET...trying to convince him to do that soon; i'm thinking for my birthday - this SUNDAY, i expect presents, people).
she hasn't been spending every waking second with the boyfriend (in fact, she hastn't seen him since for almost a week albeit for a brief brunch on sunday). he's very busy with work.
no, the reason is my internets. they - every last one of them - is dead right now. ella has no modem at home and can't really blog at work. she's impotent and that sucks when you are so important.
on the plus side, life without the internets means:
- ella has a fucking SPOTLESS apartment; redecorated too
- ella has been masturbating a ton more (well, the man has been MIA for a few days, so...)
- ella has returned PHONE CALLS and placed them too!
- ella is sleeping more and drinking/smoking/snorting less
- ella has read a book
on the negative side, ella misses you.
she'll be back soon.
promise.
kisses,
~e
22 comments:
Happy Birthday! Mine's the same day -- so clearly you are fucking awesome.
Wow, no Internet and no sex (well, with another human being). All is forgiven. Write soon. Hope the iPod vibrator is treating you well.
Stupid sexy not-working internets. Get it fixed soon, I'm having withdrawal symptoms.
Ooh, that was a bit bossy, sorry.
Yeah, I was without the internet recently for a few weeks. I was almost shaking from the lack of porn. Glad to hear you've made better use of your time.
PHEW!
~Irish
Glad to see that you're making good use of the extra time ... at least as good a use as you can without the MAN to complete you.
Have a great birthday!
excuses, excuses.
"the reason is my internets."
Something smells fishy. As things on this site often do.
Oh I knew you couldn't stay away. We DO have something after all! Happy early birthday by the way.
Happy Birthday Ella!
It has been a terrific pleasure reading you, both at your blog and at Gawker (though, sadly, seldom nowadays at either place; cursed nonworking modems and internets!). Thank you for the countless times you made me smile, the not a few times you made me laugh out loud. You, Ella, are a most wonderful girlfriend, always amusing and entertaining with your delicious stories of your experiences, a ready supply of fun, always a click away at blogger. Thank you. :-)
Hope you have a lovely day and a most deligtful year (and hopefully your internets can pull themself up by their bootstraps and start working again so you can share your experiences of the year with us).
Best Wishes!
Sal
Happy Banging Birthday Ella,
It's also my father's (and father's day). Respect.
It's hot today so I expect you're sweating it out big time. And by sweating it out I mean awesome sex.
happy birthday ella!
@ the first anonymous commentator (between the Cajun Boy and Hoosier Joe): regarding "thing[s] smell[ing] fishy" around this site -- I definitely agree! But, you know, the fragrance around here immediately begins to improve once you traipse your booty pass here. It's an amazing coincidence; it happens every single damn time.
Hope the celebrations from your birthday are continuing into this week and you haven't been working too hard at that terrible, terrible job that's keeping you away from us, Ella. :-( Just kidding, hope yesterday was a wonderful one!
P.S. 2nd anonymous commentator but fan no. 1 (but why does that scary and stalkery when I just heard it in my head). Hopefully you won't mind your stalker from Chicago too much, Ella. :-)
Happy birthday! Hey, that's the same day as my brother's! Hope you had a good one, filled with many presents and much sex.
my gift is in the mail.
really.
read the road, if you haven't... and try snagging internet signals. i do. it works a charm, although, sometimes... they log out and you suddenly find yourself being cut out mid sent
Happy belated birthday.
It almost feels like the internet is summer camp and your parents found those dirty letters that boy from last year sent you... Beg them to let you come back so you can hang out with all your summer camp friends around the fire... we're making s'mores!
(actually, I'm in cabin masturbating while blasting Prince.)
Happy belated, Ella. Hope you get the internets back soon!
Alright, I'll admit it, Ella, my panties are in a bunch. Start posting again. This really isn't fun anymore.
more masturbation stories.
March-12 posts
April-9 posts
May-6 posts
As of June 25th-2 posts
The slow and steady decline continutes. I check this site too often for too little new posts. Consider me checked out for good.
hello, anonymous asshole.
i cannot blog at work.
i have NO COMPUTER right now. if you would like to buy me a new one, be my fucking guest.
otherwise, don't be mean. it's not nice.
"The slow and steady decline continutes."
It's sorta like the decline of the Roman Empire.
OK, it's sorta not.
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