- You will inevitably become like one of your parents.
- Something will always elude you.
- You’ll never know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop because you always bite into it.
- Your children will think you’re a douche bag at some point.
- High school math was bullshit.
- Just about every college course was bullshit.
- You’ll always regret who you voted for at least once.
- That cup you just drank from wasn’t yours.
- The amazing night of sex? It meant nothing to him/her.
- You shouldn’t have left it in the oven that long.
- Someone wants to see you fail.
- You should have said “yes.”
- You should have said “no.”
- The first Darren was better.
- Seconds are ok; thirds too much.
- You shouldn’t have recorded it.
- You won’t fit into that dress again.
- It was him/her, not you.
- You never have a second chance to make a lasting impression.
- The joke was on you.
- You paid too much.
- That stain won’t come out.
- You can’t have it all.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
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11 comments:
Fucking hell, that's pessimistic. Is it me, or has this beautiful spring weather brought out a weird feeling of doom and gloom in a lot of people? Anyway, fun post and I am out of sorts for reasons that have nothing to do with your always well written blogging.
Although... I will fit into that dress again, damnit. I will.
ha ha-
if it makes you feel better, not everyone wants to see you fail. Your mom wants you to be president and thinks you are the best looking man she's ever seen :)
My mom thinks i can still fit into the dress i wore at my batmitzvah... mom's rule.
-Jew
"You will inevitably become like one of your parents".
I am almost *exactly* like my father, though I practically hated him when I was growing up. My parents divorced when I was 13, and at that time I was much closer to my mother. She died young, and I sometimes wonder what she'd think of me now. Would she be proud of what I've accomplished, or irritated because I reminded her of my dad?
Jew, I am the best looking man anyone's every seen. It's why everyone wants me to faily.
faily shmaily
-J
ha ha - it wasn't meant to be pessimistic.
jew - i would pay good money to see you in that batmitzvah dress.
grubinski - i'm my mother.
“Someone wants to see you fail”
As a corollary, I add – “It’s not in most people’s interest that you succeed.” That’s my Darwinian take on it. This was a revelation that took me years to arrive at – but once you’re reconciled to it, it’s neither pessimistic nor depressing. To be really trite – It’s liberating. And I love the world that much more for it. We all operate to maximize our own pleasure and opportunity –translation – I acknowledge my inner fuckwad. But he’s still kind of a sweet fuckwad.
andrew - "the greatest pleasure in life is doing what people think you cannot do."
Fuck. Those stains NEVER come out.
ellagood--
can i repost some of this post on my blog if i put it in quotes and link to you? it's really funny...
the bee - never do. even under black light.
stony - absofuckinglutely.
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