I swore off being the other woman several years ago. And I am glad I did.I admit, I did it to be a taboo. I did it for the illicitness. But it is never, ever fulfilling.
C. and I had reconnected after many years. He was the first man to ever finger/go down on me and then he had gone away to college. We met up again at a friend’s barbecue; I was single and he was dating the only nemesis I have ever had, Vicki. I hated this girl. She had stolen my first love from me years back and now had somehow found her way into the pants of a second man I had dated. It made me green with envy and red with rage, and I guess those two colors combine to form brown - and so I acted like a total piece of shit.
He was an easy target. Hell, he’s a drunk, a raging alcoholic. We flirted the entire night and finally I made my move by cornering him against my friend’s mother’s china cabinet. I hinted at the blow job I had never gotten a chance to give him and knew I would soon get the opportunity.
A week later he was at my house (my parent’s house) with a case of beer and a raging hard-on. We drank. We smoked. We made up for lost times on my step-father’s pooltable. And then we started to actually have a conversation. The topic? Miss Vicki, of course.
We talked about how they met, how she continually pressured him to get married and how he just wanted to “have fun.” And then I realized I was that fun. I never saw him again.
It was then that it hit me: when you are the other woman you have sex first and then talk; when you are the only woman you talk first and then have sex. And then you pray you really are the only one.
16 comments:
i am a lurker. i stumbled upon your blog a few weeks ago and have been eagerly checking back. i enjoy reading your writing.
and i fully concur with this one. oh, i know the situation all too well.
I was in this situation once, where the guy was a good friend of mine... thing was I had NO idea he had a girlfriend I was convinced they had long broken up. Typical. The second I found out (after his sister told me about his adorable Valentine's Day plans that involved the top of the Empire State Building, gag) I never hooked up with him again, and yet he's still one of my closest friends. Go Figs.
~Irish
Been there once (as far as i know). I was in high school, and i was all kinds of fucked up. I hooked up with my friend's boyfriend a couple of times(hey he was mine first)! But he was a total douchebag. I never even liked him.
Anyways, she hated me for like 5 years, and immidiately took him back. That's why i never really apologized, i was so pissed that she took that asshole back. She and i are ok now, but it will never be the same. I wouldn't say it scarred me- but i definitely learned my lesson, no dude is worth the headache. EVER.
Lately I'm thinking maybe i'm a secret man hater... I have to look into that.
-Jew
@jew ... "No man is worth the headache"
Sounds like the distaff version of "bros before hos" :-)
I was going to make a bratty joke about how being the other woman means you get the benefits without any of the headaches, but then I realized that would result in Ella, Irish and Jew ganging up to beat the everloving crap out of me.
haha - methinks you would like that.
Hells yeah I would. Frozen pizza and cigarettes at my place. Three blogettes (is that a word?) setting me straight...? Not bad, not bad.
Anyway, seriously, I've actually been the other man before. I didn't mind it.
It's only barely related, but listen to the song "Long Black Veil" by Johnny Cash and later Mike Ness (of Social Distortion). In the song, the main character is accused of a murder he didn't commit. He doesn't speak up though, because his alibi was that it couldn't have been him becuase he was sleeping with his best friend's wife. He stays silent and is executed. And she visits his grave secretly every so often wearing a long black veil.
It's a bummer, but it's a good one.
-JK
I was actually the other guy recently. And there are benefits to being that third wheel (of sorts):
If you're good and you give that person something they don't have in their normal relationship, when she/he goes back to his/her significant other -- s/he'll still be thinking of you.
Sure, it's a tad sadistic to say, but it's great for the ego.
great observations. for the record, the same thing applies when you're the other guy. funny how that works.
Here's one for the books:
First week on the job, slept with a coworker (drunk, obviously).
EVERYONE in the office finds out (oops! My bad...tell one person and the secret's out!)
Three months later, he proposes to his girlfriend! Wedding plans are all I've heard about ever since...she has no idea.
For the record, I didn't know about the girlfriend at the time - although I don't think it would have stopped me :)
By the way, I've been "lurking" for a few weeks and Ella, I must say, I am highly impressed! I read the blog while at work, huddled in my cube, avoiding aforementioned slimy coworker.
grub- I usually go with "chicks before dicks" but that kind of sounds like a pre-op tranny so "no man is worth the headache" is a much better motto :)
ella- i was thinking the same thing about ha ha
-Jew
So strange that all the blogs I've been reading have something to do with this. Maybe its the season for cheating? I basically did this on Tuesday. But the girl is my friend (only through my friendship with him of course), but the drunken session would not have been as bad if the next day I didn't receive twenty texts about how he wants to be with me. Life is strange..
jane - i like lurkers. i like them more when they comment.
irish - you did the right thing when you found out.
jew - i was starting to hate men too. but i think someone is negating that.
grubinksi - "dicks before chicks!" hahah
ha ha - you don't deserve to be the other man ;-)
jk - know the song, didn't know the story. ah, how i love johnny cash. and, ah, how i love you.
la - i hope you allow your ego to find better someday.
cajun - that's refreshing to know. i always assume men don't give a shit.
tang - damn, that is some crazy shit. tell us more. and thank you for lurking and coming out of the woodwork. welcome to the fucking jungle.
jew - "chicks before dicks!" hahaha
yeah, haha sound couldn't handle all three of us. hell, he could hardly handle me...(!?)
pistolah - welcome, as well. twenty texts about how he wants to be with you???? why is he with the other? do you want him? SO many questions.
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